tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40455266895857893802012-01-25T23:28:28.701-08:00Free Jokes served fresh daily just for youFree Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.comBlogger611100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-65196410085502437562008-03-22T01:00:00.000-07:002008-02-27T01:07:47.129-08:00

Workload getting to you ? Feeling stressed ? Too many initiatives "cascading" down? Here is the new low cost way to cope! Take 2 paperclips and elastic bands. Assemble them as shown on the picture. Apply the construction as visualized below

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1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain

Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-74011903378768966822008-03-20T00:44:00.000-07:002008-02-27T00:47:28.963-08:00

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten

Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-69897422495967045382008-03-19T00:48:00.000-07:002008-02-27T00:50:40.944-08:00

Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a PENIS. This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought.....

Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-67612092621198316792008-03-18T00:40:00.000-07:002008-02-27T00:41:51.735-08:00

What do you expect when: Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest

Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-10912051123672200892008-03-17T00:38:00.000-07:002008-02-27T00:42:15.490-08:00

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."And they say blondes are dumb...

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1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock) (You're laughing,

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The Sunday sermon was, Forgive Your Enemies, and toward the end of the service, the preacher asked his congregation," How many of you have forgiven their enemies?" About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. As it was past lunchtime, this time about 80 percent held up their hands. He then repeated his question again. All responded,except one small elderly lady."Mrs. Jones?"

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"Once upon a time, a man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted. "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied. "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 50 and 51

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Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-32859792600611357772008-03-12T00:13:00.000-07:002008-02-27T00:14:58.971-08:00

Dear All,A piece of advise to live longer……… "EAT and BE WELL"I personally like the tomatoes - goes well with Vodka (called bloody Mary) and grapes that becomes wine ...anytime.Lastly tea ... Is "long island iced tea" considered in the advice of drinking tea to help it being an antioxidant. Nuts – don't need them, have enough relatives, friends and colleagues in that category already.Cheers / '

Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-67909632198559357012008-03-11T00:09:00.000-07:002008-02-27T00:13:06.957-08:00

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too

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We always hear "the rules" from the female side.Now here are the rules from the male side .These are our rules! Please note.. These are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!1. Men are NOT mind readers.1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about your leaving it down.1. Sunday sports. It's like the full

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A boss wondered why one of his most valued employee had not phoned insick.Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled theemployee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper."Hello"."Is your daddy home?" he asked."Yes", whispered the small voice."May I talk with him?"The child whispered, "No".Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,"Is

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look toward sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars.""What tell you?" asked Tonto.The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are

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The husband of a pregnant wife was thinking of buying insurance for his unborn baby. So he asked Great Eastern and the agent said, "Don't worry man, we'll provide insurance right from the basket to the casket". The man was impressed but thought that he should probably seek another opinion. He then approached Prudential. The agent, "Oh, we have a new insurance policy which can protect your unborn

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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides

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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for

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'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-48079907759628180072008-03-01T23:25:00.000-08:002008-02-26T23:26:39.881-08:00

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

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A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose

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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her, "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?" The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute....""Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to

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TWO CATHOLIC PARROTS A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him:"Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquiredThey say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?""That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I

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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be

Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-60966851558318089832007-04-30T20:58:00.000-07:002007-04-03T00:36:41.926-07:00

To all Employees:Effective January 2007Dress Code1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a

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Marriage - (Part I) Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with

Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-14124082766761296352007-04-28T20:58:00.000-07:002007-04-03T00:26:29.806-07:00

Have a Diet Coke today...

Free Jokes Dailyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02917837654221704381noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4045526689585789380.post-67386708284495910252007-04-27T20:58:00.001-07:002007-04-03T00:27:21.852-07:00

You can park your car and leave the keys in the ignition and you will still have your car there untouched. The best anti theft car system ever imagined

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A drunk, who smelled of beer sat down, on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Tell me, Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replied, "My Son, it is

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Once upon a time in Singapore, there lived a happy couple, Mr. & Mrs. Chan with their 3 lovely daughters; Elin, Enya & Ella. The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins. Years passed, and it was time to get them married. So, the parents found them the most suitable grooms. They got married and were preparing to set-off on their

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A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a roommate, a girl named Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.Over the course of the evening, whilewatching the two interact, she started to wonder if there

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Think before you speak... Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much

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Time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck, whom spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous,successful lawsuits in the United States. Here are this year's winners:7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas,

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Please, somebody please, tell me these are all fictitious quotes(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and Why?Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,which is why I would

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Can the offer get any better?

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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.When she is about to hand him another batch again

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Do I need to say further? This is definitely the queen of the blondes :PThere is nothing wrong with blondes, but just that....

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A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? The father replied, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your

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1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT THAT SUPER-SIZED.4. PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT "IN"5. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OVER

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A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher

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A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.""Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk."I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.In

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An elderly woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. Though he looked weathered and feeble, he had a content smile on his face. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a happy life?" "Well, I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. waving awrinkled hand through the air, with a smoldering cigarette between his thumb and

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A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God. "God? You there, God?" he asked. "Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered. "Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked. "Go ahead, my son, anything." "God, what is a million years to you?" God answered, "A million years to me is only

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A blonde was filling up an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then she came to the column "Salary Expected :" She was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought she wrote : YesOk, another oneWhy did 18 blondes go to a movie ?Because below 18 was not allowed.

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There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 A. M., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around11 A. M. on Sundays. So a Worldwide team of experts was

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A physician picked up his phone in the middle of the night to the frantic cries of one of his patients: "Doctor, you gotta help me! My 12-year old just swallowed a condom!," the distraught father cried.The concerned MD grabbed his bag and headed for the door. As he turned the knob, the phone rang again, and the previously agitated parent said, "Never mind, we found another one!"

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IN MY NEXT LIFEIn my next life, I want to be a bear.If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.If you're a bear, you give birth to your children(who are the size ofwalnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could

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Late one night in the Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs."Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!""In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"

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There was a woman who had 3 daughters. One day the first daughter asked her mother, "Why is my name Daisy?"Her mother replied, "Because when you were born a daisy fell upon your tiny head."Then the second daughter asked her mother, "Why is my name Rose?" Her mother answered, "Because when you were born a rose fell upon your tiny head."The third daughter, hearing this, muttered something under her

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A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. "Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water.The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It

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As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists.Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station demanding, "Who's

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An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked,waiting for her husband. The mother asks the daughter, "What are youdoing naked?" The daughter responds, "This is the dress of love."When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for herhusband. When her husband arrives, he asks her, "What are you doingnaked?" She responds, "This is the dress of love.""Well," he says to

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Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, stone, Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians.One

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No, not anti feminist, but just a tongue-in-cheek joke

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Hahaha...This is classic. Who would've thought a good ol game of charades can turn out like this....

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Here is just one of those silly jokes that are non malicious but merely for a good hearty belly laugh. Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his headspinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were justa huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. In themovie of Rajnikant, Newton was confused to such an extent that he

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Men are simple creatures. They have their basic wants and that's about it. Learn more about how simple man are based on a remote control. Enjoy!!

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After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by

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